Skip to main content

Running


I am running.

Sometimes I feel like I’m running towards something. Or is it an illusion? Am I running towards a goal or am I running away from responsibility? Am I running to stay healthy or is an excuse that I give myself to get out of work? Why do I feel trapped in the walls of my life? Do I prefer running outside because I feel like my life is a treadmill inside? Do I feel the need to validate myself with stats? 13.1, 26, 140.6? Vert, weekly miles, finishers medals, training time. Am I filling my time with meaningless accomplishment? Am I running to avoid being fat for fear of superficial judgment? Do I run to feel better? My mind often races faster than my feet. I go run to try and catch up enough to shut it all down. Just when I get there, fear of snakes, mountain lions, bears and even moose speed things up again. I holler out a yell. Scare off the creation that sits higher than me on the food chain. Why do I hurt so much? Why do I enjoy the pain in a sick way? Why can’t I sit still? Choose life. Be present. That’s a scary place to be. I let my mind wander. My legs hurt. I keep running. Trying to find meaning. That’s what I do.

I am running.

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 21, 2014 at 6:19 PM

    I enjoyed your post about Leadville. (I work with the sister of the athlete that you paced, Kristina.) Your post here made me think of this quote by George Sheehan: "I run so I do not lose the me I was yesterday and the me I might become tomorrow."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tim BarrAugust 21, 2014 at 7:38 PM

      This is a wonderful quote! Thanks for sharing...and taking the time to read my deep thought ramble!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Excited Heart

It’s no big secret that I was not feeling super great heading into my last race. It was the perfect storm in many ways. I had a stressful week at work two weeks prior working on a massive deadline followed by a heavy training volume week where I nearly doubled my weekly mileage and then fell behind in sleep the week leading into Quad Rock. I was super stressed out heading into Quad Rock due to the distance and vertical gain. I felt comfortably trained up to the 35 mile distance, but I had failed to put in the back-to-back days in training that would have given me confidence to make the jump to 50. The night leading into my race I had some significant arrhythmia while I was lying in bed. The feeling was not new to me. 10-years ago I was diagnosed with benign PVC’s. The condition takes place when nodes in the ventricles fire off signals that interfere with the main SA pace-making node in the heart. The result is a feeling of a skipped heartbeat followed by a hard thud in your chest ...
2 comments
Read more

Tall Trees and Tough Trails. The 2024 Cascade Crest 100

Welcome to Easton! The welcome sign that we stopped to take a picture of just about summed up our experience here. On the hour or so drive up from Seattle, Julie and I couldn't stop taking about the amazing trees and dense forest that lined the highway. The trees were so tall that you couldn't even catch a view of the entire towns that laid just behind them. Definitely a contrast to Colorado where the main attraction are the 14ers that line our skylines. I'm so happy that Cascade Crest 100 found me. The idea to travel to Washington for a 100 mile race started when I looked into doing a race close to a good college friend of mine that moved to Washington several years ago. I hadn't seen him or his family in years, and it would be an excuse to both see them and have an epic adventure at the same time. I had heard about the Cascade Crest 100 from a couple of friends that had raced it previously. As a Hard Rock 100 Qualifier, the race had a reputation of both difficul...
Post a Comment
Read more

100 Miles Across the Sky

The Starting Line I was laying in bed with my eyes wide open when the alarm went off at 2:50AM. For the past six hours, I had been mentally running through every segment of the run between a few short sleep breaks. It was going to be a long day and I was ready to finally race. I had a pit in my stomach knowing the event was finally here. I ate a Clif Bar and went downstairs to heat up some water for coffee. My crew and pacers were still sleeping and it looked like a college slumber party downstairs as I stepped over bags and sheets making my way to the kitchen. Sipping on my coffee I went back upstairs and put on the rest of my clothes. This included my standard run gear, arm warmers, wind shell, gloves, beanie and headlamp. The rest of my crew would be waking up shortly, so I sat on the bed for a few moments, closed my eyes and did some deep breathing. Julie came over to me and put her arm around me and laid her head on my shoulder. “ You will do great baby .” She whispered in my...
1 comment
Read more