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Running


I am running.

Sometimes I feel like I’m running towards something. Or is it an illusion? Am I running towards a goal or am I running away from responsibility? Am I running to stay healthy or is an excuse that I give myself to get out of work? Why do I feel trapped in the walls of my life? Do I prefer running outside because I feel like my life is a treadmill inside? Do I feel the need to validate myself with stats? 13.1, 26, 140.6? Vert, weekly miles, finishers medals, training time. Am I filling my time with meaningless accomplishment? Am I running to avoid being fat for fear of superficial judgment? Do I run to feel better? My mind often races faster than my feet. I go run to try and catch up enough to shut it all down. Just when I get there, fear of snakes, mountain lions, bears and even moose speed things up again. I holler out a yell. Scare off the creation that sits higher than me on the food chain. Why do I hurt so much? Why do I enjoy the pain in a sick way? Why can’t I sit still? Choose life. Be present. That’s a scary place to be. I let my mind wander. My legs hurt. I keep running. Trying to find meaning. That’s what I do.

I am running.

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 21, 2014 at 6:19 PM

    I enjoyed your post about Leadville. (I work with the sister of the athlete that you paced, Kristina.) Your post here made me think of this quote by George Sheehan: "I run so I do not lose the me I was yesterday and the me I might become tomorrow."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tim BarrAugust 21, 2014 at 7:38 PM

      This is a wonderful quote! Thanks for sharing...and taking the time to read my deep thought ramble!

      Delete

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